Bri P

Men were all Root Watch alum Bri had access to growing up.  Two twin brothers both named Johnson and a Cuban father named Davis.  Hell, she didn’t have a neighbor who wasn’t a boy.  Henry, Bo, David #1, David#2, David#3, Peter, Sam, and David#4, and those were just the boys on her street.  If she added the boys on Bay Street to that list, she wouldn’t be able to stop counting.

Bri’s father was a financial advisor in town and his clients absolutely loved him.  He had broken English and always smelled like liquor but they didn’t give a fuck because he knew how to make them money and that’s all they cared about. Aubri would always stop by her fathers office on the way back from school and there was never a moment of down time.  If Davis wasn’t counting 20’s, he was counting 100’s—and if he wasn’t counting 20’s or 100’s, he was eating ass or sucking cock, and this was before being gay was cool—but Davis didn’t give a shit.  He was going to get what he wanted and wasn’t going to let a little bit of judgement from the community keep him from acting on his impulses.  Davis considered himself a modern day libertine and was proud and unapologetic of the lifestyle he lived.

When Bri hit puberty at 12, she couldn’t keep the boys away.  Even the older men in the neighborhood had trouble keeping their eyes off of her and this flattered the fuck out of her.  Bri’s education took form at The Hoppers School of Art and Theatre in Arden, Delaware.  It was at Hoppers that Bri learned how to carry herself, recognize her abilities and establish her identity.  At 15, she figured out what she was going to do with her life and she wasn’t going to let anything or anyone get in her way.  Bri was going to become an actress and Los Angeles was the place she needed to be if there was any way in hell that was going to happen.  As soon as she graduated high school, she packed her bags and made the move out West without a moment of hesitation.  Her father always told her “see yourself where you want to be, feel yourself there, and go” and she did just that.

The first person Bri met when she arrived in LA was a man named Tristan Goldstein, and she was told that he had the keys to the industry.  It turns out he didn’t, but he sure as hell knew how to act like he did.  He’d pick Aubi up every night at 8 in a rented Mercedes Benz G-Wagon and he wouldn’t even acknowledge her when she got into the jeep.  He’d quickly press her face into his lap and a full nut was mandatory before Tristan pulled into the Polo Club.  They made the trip to the Polo Club every night for 6 months as Tristan managed to string her along with promises of C-list film roles, General Mills commercials, and even a couple weeks worth of voice work for the Dreamworks reboot of Antz.  Hell, one time he even mentioned a guest spot on Melrose Place and put Bri in touch with a make up artist from the show named Marlo who was in the middle of transitioning.  Marlo gave her a tour of the set and even introduced her to a few members of the cast.  Once the tour was done, Marlo took her number and Bri never got a call back.

Tino had one eye and a 47 year old parrot named Bonnie that never left his right shoulder.  He was also recovering from a botched sex reassignment surgery done by a doctor named Willie Sprinkle from Des Moines, Iowa.  Tino lived in the apartment beside Bri and she’d help him out with things around the flat to make a couple extra bucks.  When he was awake, she’d pick his brain on the movie and film industry.  Tino had been an assistant screenwriter for Warner Brothers back in the 90’s and was loaded with insider information.  He was also an alcoholic with a severe addiction to barbiturates so she was never really sure how accurate the information she received was. When she dropped the name Tristan Goldstein, Tino leaned back in his rocker and took a large gulp of the gin and tonic he was holding.  “Driven guy with gay tendencies and a lot of good contacts” was all she got from him that afternoon.  Turns out Tino had Tristan Goldstein mixed up with an agent named Taylor Feldstein from ICM who repped a handful of B and C list celebrities.  The validation offered Bri reassurance and she ran with it.

Nothing Tristan promised ever panned out and after the Melrose Place incident, Bri stopped responding to his text messages.  One night after rolling around in bed with her new Lovense Lush, she turned on the TV and there he was.  Turns out Tristan Goldstein was really a man named James Stegall and James Stegall had been convicted of 76 counts of credit card and identity fraud.  Stoned and still reeling from the intensity of the orgasm, she paused the TV and started to play the tape backwards.  Fuck, what was I thinking!?!?  The red flags were everywhere and Bri slapped herself in the face once she started to recognize it.

Bri knew that if she wanted to get into the business, she was going to have to get to work—real work.  Bri thought again about what her dad used to tell her and she started to envision the life of a successful actress.  She laid on her bed and shut her eyes and after a moment of full emotion, she imagined herself in a role on a sitcom, and held that vision for 2 months.  2 months later she blew a guy named Toto that she met at The Roger Room and found herself at an audition the next morning.  Turns out that audition was for a show called Parks And Rec and it led to a 6 year stretch of employment.  That 6 year stretch of employment lead to about 3 million dollars in the bank and Aubi finally felt her life begin to shift.   Fast forward a few more years and she’s married to an B-list producer and has received critical acclaim for her role as Harp Spiller in HBO’s White Locust.  As of about 2 months ago, Bri began pre-production for Francis Ford Coppola’s Megalopolisis and the future couldn’t be brighter.